During these slow times it’s natural, and a little inevitable, that we start reflecting on the past, and speculating about the future. I hear talk of the good old days: the heady excitement of the grand entrance from the back of the arena, the “spaceship” rising from the floor, the screams of the young girls (and maybe even a few older ones) shouting out “I love you, Clay”. The fun of preordering the CD single, without even knowing what the songs would be, only that it was Clay so we knew we’d love them; the awe and wonder of selling double platinum in one week for his first album; the craziness of ordering a CD with no track list, no album art, and no name, but again, we knew we’d love it; finding his face on the cover of yet another magazine, and rushing out to buy it as soon as it hit the stores. Will I Reach Out For Tomorrow, Or Try To Turn Back Time?
by Ymarie
But, along with that, there was the darker side: The sabotage by other fanbases; the ridicule by DJ’s and so-called comics about both Clay and his fans; the constant poking and prodding about his personal life; the outright lies splashed across the pages of the tabloids; the haunted, wary look in his eyes when he did another interview that ignored his music and focused instead on things that were no one’s business but his own. For me, I never want to go back to that time. I’d much rather see the Clay whose smile lights up the room, and my world; who is comfortable and free to be who he is.
As for myself, I’ve written other blogs about all that Clay has done to enrich my life, and make me more aware of the world around me, so I won’t go into that here. Suffice it to say, I don’t want to go back to those early years, and miss out on all that has happened since. The good more than outweighs the bad.
As to opinions and speculations as to what comes next, those are as many and varied as there are fans. For me, the constant “woulda, shoulda, coulda’s and “why this” or “why not that” serve no purpose except to drive me crazy. No one except Clay knows what he wants to do, or is even able to do in the future. He can’t go back to being a classroom teacher. He has accepted that this life of celebrity is here to stay, and he will have to work with it to make a living for his son’s future. How much of himself he is willing to give without sacrificing his principles, only he knows that as well. I can just hope that he isn’t done, that there will be more Clay Aiken concerts/plays/appearances to attend, and more Clay Aiken songs to buy.
So, as I wait for him to get his life figured out, I am going about my own. Since I’m not glued to my computer all the time, I am getting projects done that have languished, reading more books, planting flowers. I listen to and enjoy other artists, but still have found no one that moves me like he does, or who I could listen to 24/7 and never become tired of hearing. I firmly feel, down to my core, that he isn’t finished yet, and will be back. I’m reaching out for tomorrow. I know I may be naïve, but in the immortal words of “The X-Files’” Fox Mulder, “I WANT TO BELIEVE”.
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